Here's what I notice: When I feel like I have more than enough - time,
money, energy - I feel generous. It's delightful to give. I'm warm,
welcoming, at ease. When I don't have enough - whatever that means to me
- not only do I have nothing to give, I feel stingy. I'm guarded about
every ask, slightly resentful of every intrusion. (Or significantly
resentful, if I don't love the person doing the intruding.)
Guilt says give anyway. Sacrifice. Sometimes that feels right and is the thing to do. It isn't sustainable as a long-term lifestyle. Using yourself up doesn't serve in the long run, and barely scraping by doesn't leave room to do your best work. Just listen to that - scraping. It's the sound of a knife on toast without nearly enough butter.
I say these things because I need to hear them. Last week was a scraping-by week for me. I had just enough spoons to get through the basic necessities, and not one more. By Sunday, I was beginning to come around, but now it's time to hop back on the hamster wheel again, and I'm not sure there's enough butter for the toast. So what to do?